Thursday, April 5, 2012

Fearless and Sparkling

I don’t even know where to start with this post, so forgive me if it seems to be all over the place.  Over the last couple of weeks I have felt a little lost…I have been seeking out things; quotes, blogs, songs…anything to help me find my footing again.  I am not embarrassed about this at all because I know it is a normal thing for me and I imagine it is probably a normal cycle for others as well. 

One of the things I came across is Oprah’s Lifeclass on the OWN network, or you can find it on her website http://www.oprah.com  I have always been a fan of Oprah but this particular series couldn’t have come at a better time for me.  It really forced me to look at aspects of my life and question things a little more deeply.  The things I am going to write about are specific to me, to my life and my situation…they are my perspective.

 

Lesson #1: People become addicted to their story and it gets them stuck.  I believe this to be true for myself and so I will tell my story one last time and be done with it.  I will tell my story…the one I have become comfortable with, the one I have become addicted to, the story that I have let define me for the last 3 years. 

I am divorced. There, I said it.

I know I have written about this from time to time and referenced it many times because it is/was/will always be a huge chunk of who I am, but I have let it become all that I am.  I don’t mean I sit around still depressed that my marriage didn’t work…I mean I have let it be my story, my only story. I have let my divorce stop me dead in my tracks.  I have used it as an excuse to put my life on hold, I have used it as an excuse to live my life in such a pattern that I am just waiting for the next big milestone to come my way. I have somehow spent the last 3 years worrying about reaching goals that I never even set.  I have spent the last 3 years trying to fall in love again with a person that I was never going to really ever give a chance to. (no one specific) I have let myself become wounded.

My divorce has defined me, defined every single move I have made for the last 3 years.  I am in no way blaming the ex for this, obviously he helped pave the path that lead to the divorce but I can’t hold him accountable for the last 3 years of my life.  The definition of my life and the story I have held on to is my own, not his; and so I will let it go…

I will no longer live my life on hold. I will no longer sit around waiting for a man to appear and make my life “complete”.  I will make choices everyday that will send me forward and help me to create and live the life I want.  I will set goals, actual real goals, and I will take steps to reach them.  I will stop living fearful and start living fearless. I am in control now, not my divorce, and the life I have mapped out makes me excited.  It makes me happy to finally realize what I have been doing, and to take steps in a direction that feels very positive! The next time a story comes along that I let define me in a negative way I will be better at recognizing it and letting it go.

I love this!!!

Don’t ever let anyone dull your sparkle.  Well I have, and that anyone has been me.  I have dulled my own sparkle for awhile now and I am ready to start shining things back up…I am ready to sparkle again. Who is with me!?!?!

3 comments:

  1. Youre so inspiring. I think your blog should count as part of your story :)

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  2. I don't normally read blogs, but the new puppy has got me up at 5am on Easter morning. Good for you to reconize and act. Hope you find what makes you happy and you deserve. Happy new story and Easter!

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  3. Erin: thanks so much for supporting me and this blog, it really means a ton to me. You should start a blog, I would totally read it!! Liz: I am glad you stumbled upon this and read it, thanks for the kind words and good luck with the puppy :)

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