Sunday, October 6, 2013

If I can just be honest…

Pregnancy has not been my favorite thing thus far. 

I feel guilty for even thinking that thought let alone putting it out there for all to read…but this post is all about being honest (so is my blog) and so I have to tell you a few things.

As long as I can remember there has always been the idea out there that I may never be able to have my own children. I have a heart condition that is hereditary and I have had since birth. Every year we would go to the cardiologist and get a check up and as I got older they seemed to caution more and more that pregnancy was the hardest thing on a women's body and heart, and it may be something my heart and body cannot withstand.

With that being said, when the doctors told me I should be ok getting pregnant I was obviously ecstatic…and a little nervous. My heart seems to be hanging in there…my body, on the other hand, seems to be hating pregnancy!

I am so thankful to have gotten pregnant as fast and easy as we did, I am so thankful that our baby girl seems to be doing great and is healthy…I am so thankful to have an amazing, supportive husband who has been beyond great during this pregnancy…I am so excited to meet our baby and am already so in love with her. 

BUT…

I do not like being pregnant. The things I had always heard about aren’t even the things that make me uncomfortable. Like, stretch marks…I could give two shits if I get them. I already have a few on my hips and seem to be getting more lately.  My belly seems in the clear right now, but honestly…if I get a few stretch marks on my stomach I am ok with that. Its not like I have string bikinis waiting to be worn again…or belly shirts. My tankini and full length shirts will cover any stretch marks I get and I am ok with that :)

Gingivitis/bleeding gums: WHAT??? I had never heard of this before but apparently it happens while pregnant….and my gums bleed like a stuffed pig every time I brush and especially when I floss, and they are sore.  FUN FUN.

My hips and lower back…I walk around like I am 80. It seriously takes me about 30 seconds every time I get up to let my hips stabilize before I start to walk, and even then that first step is super hit or miss whether or not pain will shoot thru my back.  Ugg.

Shaving my legs…starting to become a chore. Bending over for that long takes my breath away…things I never thought about…

My cankles…I mean ankles. At barely 24 weeks pregnant my lower legs, ankles and feet have started swelling. I had heard of this in my friends pregnancies, but it seems like they didn't have it until later in pregnancy. It is the worst…and my doctor prescribed me compression stockings (pictures later…maybe) so those should be fun to wear.

The one thing I was really looking forward to with pregnancy was to feel the baby kicking and moving…turns out I have an anterior placenta which means it is in the front and is like a sponge soaking up any movements so that I cannot feel them.  I will have to wait until she is much bigger and stronger before I will likely feel any movement…WORST! (whhhaaa, waaaaa, waaaaaaaaaaaaa)

I could keep going but you get the point…

I realize I sound like the biggest debbie downer but these are the things I think about all day so it is what I am going to write about.  It has taken me awhile to come to terms that it is ok for me to not like being pregnant.  Just because I don’t like it doesn't mean I am not excited about the baby, or love her.  I am really trying to embrace it and take it all in…it has just been so much harder than I had expected. I envy those women that think being pregnant is the best thing ever…I wish I felt that way, but I know it will all be worth it in the end. 

In just a couple of month we will have a beautiful baby girl and I know every stretch mark, random cry outburst, hip pain, foot swelling…it will all be worth it once I am holding her in my arms:)

A few pictures for your viewing pleasure:

I haven’t taken my 24 week picture yet (but I will)

all 247 

a few of the little precious outfits I have already bought.  I actually haven’t purchased many…probably because I can’t figure out how big she will be and I don’t want to waste money on things that won’t end up fitting her.

all 125

Last thing…we got a puppy. Stay tuned for that entire story. 

6 months pregnant and a new puppy= CRAZY and EXHAUSTED

3 comments:

  1. No worries, all of your feelings are completely normal! Like they say, every pregnancy is different which means every one has a different experience. And, from talking with other women, you are not the only one who doesn't enjoy being pregnant. Lucky for you, you're more than halfway there! And looking gorgeous to boot!
    I too had horrible swollen cankles and was wearing compression hose daily from 24 or 28 weeks on (I can't remember which). It's a real treat getting them on...lying on your back with your legs up in the air trying to get them over toes you can't reach...I gave up at some point and had hubby help me before he left for work.
    I also had an anterior placenta so I first felt movement around 28 weeks. I was bummed I had to wait so long but it was well worth the wait -- SO neat! That was, by far, my favorite part of pregnancy.
    You're doing a great job, Abby, and the payoff is HUGE! Keep calm and preggo on!

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  2. Abby - I'm ok with you complaining - I get it. Although, I didn't have such horrible symptoms as the feet swelling or gingivitis - I was uncomfortable. You saw me! I was like an old grandma at the end. I don't understand the women that say that they enjoy it either. Complain to me all you want. I'll listen!

    I was in Claire's room today and noticed you were out. I hope you are resting and feel much better soon!

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  3. I just found your blog!
    I am now following!!
    Looking forward to keeping up!

    xo
    Christina
    pieceitalltogetherx3.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete